Saturday, July 28, 2018

Human vs Technology

"You've arrived at your destination," announced Fanny, my car sat nav, in her posh voice.
"Wha???" I looked around in bewilderment.
I had typed in Loughcrew Megalithic Centre and I was now stopped on Main Street, Oldcastle, outside a derelict garage. No sign of any prehistoric ruins, apart from some rusty petrol pumps. I got out and had a quick look around. Definitely the wrong place. I knew I had to be close so I went into a nearby shop and asked.

"Eh, I've heard of it but I'm not sure. Ask someone at the top of the street."
I accosted a group of people standing outside a pub.
"Eh, I've heard of it but I'm not too sure. Ask a bar person inside."
In I went I asked someone who was cleaning tables.
So I presumed they were a "bar person".
"Eh, if you go out that road
pointing in a vague direction
you'll come to some signs."

Off I went. I wasn't very confident, so when I spotted an older woman walking along I decided to ask her.
"Oh wait til I see", she replied in answer to my query.
She positioned herself in the right direction and proceed to wave her arms around to not only tell me, but show me the way to go.
"So when you come to a big blue building, take the next right and you'll see the signs".
Thank you very much", I replied as I was about to head off.
"Ah wait now", she replied. "You mind yourself. They're very narrow roads and you might meet a car on a bad bend. Make sure you go slowly and be careful!"
Such a lovely Irish thing.
"I will," I assured her.

Fanny wouldn't do that...give me the proper directions AND worry about my welfare.


And she was so right. The roads were fierce narrow. Obviously Megalithic Man didn't worry about getting his wing mirrors clipped by branches...on both sides.
Thankfully I arrived at my destination, no thanks to modern technology!

Monday, July 16, 2018

My whole stage life flashed before my eyes.

I recently attended LMVGs annual "Leixlip wins AIMS" party.
Okay so we've only won it for the past two years running, but its a tradition at this stage!

Highlight of the night was looking at all the scrapbooks of past shows and seeing how much we've changed/aged.
For all my younger readers there was a time when people actually printed off photos and then stuck them into a book! I know, totally mind-blowing!
I had gone through a few of the shows I'd been in, and then suddenly it dawned on me...













Yep, for nearly every production I was cast as some kind of slapper/ slut/ whore.

But the last one took the biscuit. Here I am in.....


My Fair Lady. Yes, MY FAIR FECKIN' LADY!
Did you even know there was a "lady of the night" in that child-friendly classic? Well apparently there isn't but they wrote in the part especially for me.

I'll put this blatant act of stereotyping down to the fact that I'm a very good actress who can get totally into character!

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Things you may not know about me #1

You think you know everything there is to know about someone and then photographic evidence is unearthed. Well the camera never lies, or so they say.

Did I ever tell you about the time I.....




...had my first speaking part in a play!

Luckily I had very supportive cast mates who helped me out!

Friday, July 13, 2018

Just Cruisin'

"Hey, I'm going on a cruise."
"What????", squealed Marese, veteran of many Mediterranean and Alaskan cruises. "Where to?"
"From Dun Laoighaire to Howth" I answered.
"Oh"' she answered, less enthusiastically.
I don't know why she was so crestfallen, it was a fabulous tour!









Thursday, July 12, 2018

Friends in Low Places

I was planning out what I will be doing in class during the next school year.
Yes, teachers do that during their hols!
I saw a lovely winter art project that requires three wine corks per student and seeing as I will have 33 of them next term, that makes a total of 100.
Someone will always makes a hames of one of them!
Now I could source all these wine corks myself but I dare say I wouldn't be in much form for doing an art project if I did!

"Hic...shure kids, here's a toilet roll....hic....make something....hic!"

So I decided to call on my trusty friends to help me out. Seeing as screw cap bottles are becoming more common, I sent out the distress call last Monday so that there would be loads of time to have them collected before I actually needed them.

Three days later.....



On the last count I had 436 corks, enough for the next four years!
That's the type of friends I have. For fear that some poor children would be deprived of their winter art project, they selflessly threw themselves, nay, sacrificed themselves, to make sure that no child would have to go without.
Friends, I salute you!

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Canal Bank Walk

I was reminded of this poem I studied for my Leaving Cert as I took a leisurely power walk down the canal bank with Audrey the other evening.




Canal Bank Walk

Leafy-with-love banks and the green waters of the canal
Pouring redemption for me, that I do
The will of God, wallow in the habitual, the banal,
Grow with nature again as before I grew.
The bright stick trapped, the breeze adding a third
Party to the couple kissing on an old seat,
And a bird gathering materials for the nest for the Word
Eloquently new and abandoned to its delirious beat.
O unworn world enrapture me, encapture me in a web
Of fabulous grass and eternal voices by a beech,
Feed the gaping need of my senses, give me ad lib
To pray unselfconsciously with overflowing speech
For this soul needs to be honoured with a new dress woven 
From green and blue things and 
arguments that cannot be proven.

Patrick Kavanagh

 It really was a glorious evening for a walk.


And before you ask
"NO! Audrey WASN'T topless. She just didn't want to get strap marks!"

Not so full of hot air.

I'm about to declutter my house and was wondering what to do with all my clutter. I decided to see what a car boot sale entails so I went to Clara market on Sunday morning on a reconnaissance mission.
While I was there I spotted some huge football/beach balls. I decided to get two for Megan and Evelyn, my (grand) nieces.
I loaded them up in the car ( the footballs, not the girls!) and headed for home.I was about  two miles down the road when I heard Phssssss!
"Where's that noise coming from?" I panicked.
I checked if the back windows were a bit open. That's alarmed me before. Nope, they were fine.
"Don't tell me I have a puncture!" I wailed, trying to remember where the jack was.
The noise was getting louder and closer.
I turned around, nearly swerving into the ditch, to realise that one of the feckin' balls was after self combusting in the heat.
Panic 1 was over and Panic 2 set in. Now I had only one football and as our family knows, there's one of the two girls who sometimes doesn't do sharing!!!
Thankfully the size of the ball made up for the lost one and a happy game of football commenced in the garden.

This is what the red ball SHOULD have looked like!



And this is how it ended up.


Friday, July 6, 2018

Happiness is.....

Happiness is....growing something.
I'm delighted to say that my new found love of gardening has been successful.
Just wondering if I should flout the national hosepipe ban and risk watering them!!!


Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Seeing things

I was driving home from Mullingar on the motorway. Suddenly in the distance I saw that the road was flooded with water.I stepped on the brakes to slow down.


"Oh no", I thought. "As if the country's water supplies aren't running low enough without major pipes bursting!"
I suddenly noticed that I wasn't getting any nearer to the water.
"WTF?"
It kept retreating away from me. Suddenly it dawned on me.
It was a MIRAGE!
Seriously, what was that about?
I have lived for five years in a desert country and never saw one.
And now I encountered my first one in The Downs!
Whoever said there is no such thing as climate change should be lathered in oil and made sit in an Irish garden for the next few days :)


Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Relaxing holiday, me a>$£

"So how did you spend the first day of your summer holidays?" I hear you cry.
Well I heard someone at the back yelling it.

I was up nice and early and headed into Mullingar Educate Together school for a week long course on
"Literacy through the lens of Art and Science."
It's actually a really interesting one, and if I have to spend a week of my hols cooped up inside while the sun is belting down outside, its not the worst thing I could be doing!

Headed for home only to remember that this was the day that my road was closed due to roadworks so I had to make a detour through a neighbouring village to get to my house. Only time to gulp down a cup of tea and it was off to Kinnegad to meet up with my college group to try to put the finishing touches to our Research Project.
Fell in the door at quarter to 10, just in time to catch the end of Love Island.
Don't judge me, it was all my brain could handle by this time.
Then it was off to bed where I zonked out.

So what's in store for me today? Pretty much the same thing.
The first person who asks me
"What on earth do you teachers do during your long summer holidays?"
is going to get a whack of my glantóir over the back of their head!!!





Sunday, July 1, 2018

Green fingers

In May 2005 a social experiment was carried out in Slough, an English town. The aim was to see whether the new science of happiness was effective or not.
One of their steps to happiness was To Grow Something.
Well, in my garden things just seem to grow of their own accord and my gardening skills are confined to killing things- mowing the lawn, pulling up weeds and cutting the hedge. I have never proactively grown anything.
Not very conducive to happiness if the experts are to be believed. So I decided to grow something. But what?
Then, as if the universe heard me, it came to my rescue.
I had done my weekly shop in Lidl and the cashier asked me
"Do you want a seed pot to grow your own herbs?"
Did I what?  Hell yeah.

So I arrived home with my pot, soil and seeds. It was like a lucky dip because I didn't know what plant I had been given. Imagine my excitement when I opened it to discover I was about to cultivate some BASIL...my favourite! The universe was definitely was on side.

After I started preparing the soil, planting the seeds and watering them to ensure germination, I was definitely feeling happier.
Boy am I proud of myself! I'm expecting a bumper crop this year.
Next stop, Super Garden :)