Monday, September 1, 2014
Names have been changed to save their reputation.
Mary's son was heading off to Electric Picnic festival for the first time. Being the caring Irish mammy that she is, Mary put on the grill to cook a full Irish breakfast - sausages, rashers, black and white pudding etc. After all the poor devil wouldn't get another proper bite to eat for the weekend.
She took off the grill and placed it on the kitchen counter. She filled the kettle and was waiting for it to boil. After a few minutes she sniffed the air.
"What's that burning smell?"
She looked around but couldn't see the source of it. It was definitely getting worse.
She lifted the grill and there, slowly shriveling up was...........
HIS LAMINATED ELECTRIC PICNIC TICKET!
Her whole life flashed before her eyes. She screeched for her husband.
"You tell him. I can't!"
"But it's your fault. You tell him."
They could hear him walking around upstairs, packing away and whistling a happy tune.
She ran out the backdoor and ran down the garden to hide.
Her maternal instinct took over. Luckily she had brought her phone with her. She rang Ticketmaster and managed to get her story out in between hysterical sobs.
"Don't panic Missus. Did you book it by credit card?"
"Great. We have a record of it and can reissue it to you."
"Brilliant", she screamed. "Where can I get it?"
"From the shop you bought it from."
Luckily she had bought it in Mullingar.
They drove in silence to town. She said that she could feel his eyes of hatred burning two holes in the back of her neck. Ticket was retrieved and he set off with his friends. As he left, she uttered the typical Irish Mammy's apology.
"Why the fuck did you leave it there in the first place?"