Saturday, June 29, 2013

Mystery Man

First day of my summer holidays. Yipee!
I was coming home from Mullingar after watching Westmeath being beaten by one point in the Football. As I approached The Downs Roadhouse, I decided to go in for something to eat.
After all I am on holiday. Who the hell wants to cook?
I settled in to my seat and tucked into my sweet chilli chicken salad with baked potato.
As I was munching, I looked around the restaurant. There were a few tables occupied but not by anyone I knew
When I was finished I went up to the counter to pay. The waitress went to the till and then returned with a grin on her face.
"It's okay. Your bill has been paid."
"SORRY? What do you mean?"
"The gentleman in the corner paid for your meal before he left."
I wracked my bains but I couldn't recall who had been sitting in the corner.
"Do you know who he was?" I asked.
"He comes in here a bit. I can't think of his name but I do know he has two St.Bernard dogs!"
"Are you sure it was mine he paid for?"
"I think you should quit while you're ahead!"

I drove home with a nice warm feeling in my bones. I still have no idea who my benefactor was. So if he ever gets to read this, can I just say
"Thank you very much.......and why did you just leave without saying anything!!!

I don't do sharing!

Get your hands off this chocolate bar.

It's mine, ALL MINE!! Look my name is on it.

Friday, June 28, 2013

The meaning of flowers.

So what does it mean when a guy gives you flowers?
I was sooo excited to get this bouquet yesterday. It's AGES since I've gotten one.
Okay, so the giver was only 12 years of age.
And I'm sure it was his MOTHER who bought them.
But the fact that he paraded into school with them, despite any slagging he may have gotten off his peers, handed them to me and said
"Thanks for everything over the past two years Miss",
made them the best bouquet EVER.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Give us a break!

The final week of school is always hectic...
sort out books and copies, reports, final of Baconstown's Got Talent, end of year mass, Sports Day etc. etc. etc.

There I was, wheeling my trolley around Dunnes Stores, going over my mental lists once again and counting down til Friday. Suddenly I was stopped in my tracks. WTF!!!
No, no, NOOOOOO!
I immediately set about trying to find the culprit and give them a D- for syntax.  But in vain.
That is incorrect. Technically speaking you can not go BACK somewhere that you have not yet left. At least wait til the weekend.
But it has got me thinking.
Only 67 days until we reopen on 30th August. Ya won't feel it comin'

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

How world events impact my life.

After my recent announcement that I am going back to Turkey for the summer, I was greeted with howls of
"Haven't you seen the news recently?"
"What about the riots in Istanbul?"
"Will they not affect your holiday?"
In answer I say
"Yes they have had a major impact on my holiday plans in the following ways.
(a) When I looked at flights to Turkey last April, they were quoting me at 750 euro. Ridiculous! I can't afford that. Last week the same flight cost me 320 euro. All the more money for shoes!
(b) This is a graph of how many Turkish Lira you can get for a euro over the past 120 days.
See that graph go!
It's an ill riot that blows nobody good. Now I am not being flippant. I am speaking as a person who lived in Ireland through the worst of the troubles. I was sick of my friends abroad saying
"Oh how on earth can you live in Ireland? You can get blown up at any moment."
I tried to point out that the unrest was a couple of hundred kilometres away in the North and that I only ever saw the troubles on the News like them, not at first hand.
Secondly, I was living in the Middle East when 9/11 happened. My family were on the phone to me, telling me to come home to safety. I tried to point out that London was probably the next target and that they were closer to that, than I was to any potential hotspots.
My point is,
When your number is up, it's up, regardless of where you are situated. So you might as well go ahead and live your life as you wish!

Actually I am more worried about the effect that the impending arrival of the future monarch of the United Kingdom will have on my holiday plans. Let me explain.

On Friday 29th 2011 I was making my way back from Turkey. We boarded the plane in Istanbul on time and all seemed well. I settled down in my seat ready for take off. An hour and a half later we were still stuck on the tarmac, sweltering in the heat. Eventually we took off. Later we discovered the reason for the delay. It was the day of William and Kate's wedding. Our flight coincided with their appearance on the balcony of Buckingham palace and so there was a no-fly zone over the area. Hence the reason for our incarceration in the plane.
I have just discovered that Kate's baby is due on July 14th, the same feckin' day that I am flying to Turkey.
While I wish them all the best, if I'm stuck in a claustrophobic cabin because of Kate's contractions, there will be strong words uttered!

Sunday, June 16, 2013

In snails, I trust.

Was that it?
 Was that glorious week at the end of May our summer of 2013? It better not have been.
 I was listening to a radio programme on the way home from school the other day and it was trying to explain why our weather forecasters get it so wrong so often. It seems that because of our little island's exposed position stuck out on the outskirts of Europe it is practically impossible to predict the weather far into the future as the systems are liable to change in the blink of an eye.
While computers may not be able to see what weather is ahead of us, nature has its ways.

A friend of mine was down in Killarney and got chatting to a jarvey. If anyone needs to know what the tourist season's weather is going to be like, he does.
He announced that its going to be a scorcher of a summer! And how does he know this?
Now if I saw that happening I'd think the snails were saying
Séamus, get the feck up this tree as fast as you can, there's a tsunami on the way.
But no, it seems that snails only climb trees to get into the shade before the sun beams down.
So you heard it here first. We're going to be basking in sunshine all summer. Woo-hoo!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

A date in the future.

I had given myself the aim of dating as much as possible in June. So far it has been a bit of a disaster as I only met Gus and hairy footballer! I was beginning to despair of ever finding my soul mate until I got this. Now I'm optimistic for the future!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Silence of the Lambs.

I got this great story from a friend this weekend.

Preparation for First Holy Communion has changed a lot since our day. Nowadays the term used is "The Bread of Life". Way back then it was all about "The Body of Christ" and "The Blood of Christ". We were effectively being turned into little cannibals.

The priest went into a class of seven year olds.
"You will be receiving the Body of Christ to eat."
One little chap recoiled in horror.
"Yikes. We have to eat his full body? Even his arsehole???"

I have no idea what the priest's reaction was. But to me it was a legitimate question.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Miracles do happen.

Several years ago two of my friends came to visit me in Abu Dhabi. We were lounging on the beach when we saw a woman frantically digging through the sand looking for something. My friend Mohammed was with us. We explained to him about our belief in Saint Anthony. If you lose something, you pray to him and he will find it for you. You have to promise to send money to his association if the item is found.
"What? A dead person will come and find it for you? I can't believe that!" he exclaimed.
"Just watch this", I said. "We will pray to St. Anthony, and see what happens."
Without saying a word to each other we started praying. Later we discovered we had roughly said the same thing.
"Come on now, St Anthony, do your stuff. This is the Christians against the Muslims!"
Low and behold, within a few minutes the women let a screech of joy as she held up her engagement ring.
Phew! Reputation saved.
Mohammed still wasn't convinced.
"The next time I lose something, I will.....ring Ireland and you can pray for me.

My time in Abu Dhabi was up and I was coming home. I had seen a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring in a magazine. As a going away present Mohammed got it made for me. It was priceless to me, not just because of its value but because it was a reminder of a very special place, time and person in my life.

Three years ago disaster struck. I LOST THE RING! I pulled my house apart looking for it, but no success. I had been taking part in the All-Ireland drama circuit so I rang every B&B that I had stayed in, hoping that I had left it there and they still had it. Not a sign. Someone probably found it and was now holidaying in the Bahamas!
I prayed to St Anthony but he wasn't having any of it. I eventually had to resign myself to the fact that it was gone. I was heart-broken. During the past three years, every time I thought of it my stomach went into knots and I shed a few tears.
Last month I brought my class on retreat in preparation for their Confirmation. The day ended with a prayer service. The leader invited us to close our eyes and pray for a special intention.
Hmm. What will I pray for? Sure I'll try St Anthony again for my ring.
I had no faith that it would work this time. After all, three years had passed and it hadn't turned up.

This weekend I went to a wedding in Mullingar. I stayed with a friend as I had been drinking.
The next morning, as I was about to leave, she spotted a ring I was wearing and said
"Oh that reminds me. Did Fiona give you back your ring?"
"What ring?"
"She was doing up her spare room and she found a ring. She left it on her sideboard as she didn't know who owned it. I saw it and recognised it as being yours. It's the one with the twirly circles."
My heart nearly came out of my mouth.
It couldn't be, could it. But I was sure I lost it down the country.
I was onto Fiona straight away.
"Oh yeah. I'm here in the hotel. I have it in my bag as I forgot to give it to you yesterday."
I jumped into the car and sped off.
I was convinced that
a) It wasn't that ring
b) Fiona would get mugged and her bag stolen before I got there.
As soon as I arrived, Fiona handed me THE RING! I cried with happiness. I honestly never thought I would ever see it again.
Good on ya, St Anthony. I owe you big time.

It's never leaving my sight again!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

A hair raising day

When you spend the day at a wedding or other big event, you usually comment on the torture your poor feet have to endure. After today I have to disagree. I think it is the opposite end of the body that suffers the most.
24 hours in the life of my hair
08:00: Arise early. So this is what it means by "bed head".

10:00: Visit to the hairdressers . Wait a minute, this isn't Ibrahim!
Funny little imposters were clipped to my scalp and hey presto! Rapunzel.

14:00:The face  needed some professional help as well and then we were ready for the wedding.

18:00: A few hours in the sun and the damn head piece was tugging at my scalp. So it had to go.

00:00: Next to go were the extensions.

02:00: Really letting myself down. I mean, letting my hair down.

Stupid o'clock: Noeleen had enough and called it a day. Lightweight! I was still curly and bouncy and full of energy.

Friday, June 7, 2013


I can't believe it! Today my lil' ole blog passed 50000 hits!
When I started it back in 2010 I honestly thought that I would post a few blogs, no one would read it and then I'd get fed up and forget about it.
Three and a half years later and it's still going strong. My aim in starting it was to get me off my ass and do things. I don't know if I'm actually doing more but I'm certainly more aware as I'm doing them. Something will hit me and I think
However I could be going to a big event and I think
I'll get a story out of this.
While I'll probably have a great night out, there will be nothing that I could use in a blog. On the other hand I might just be popping into the local shop, meet a neighbour who comes out with a pearl of wisdom and BINGO! Material!
My biggest inspiration has to have been my classes over the previous years. It never ceases to amaze me how their minds work. And when they come up with a witty and clever retort I am ecstatic. Long may it last.
So to anyone who has ever bother to click on my ramblings, musings and occasional rants, thanks a million.
Or rather, thanks a fifty thousand! A million is being a bit ambitious!

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Date No.2

I've always wanted to be a WAG. I see Victoria Beckham and Colleen Rooney bringing out their own perfume lines, clothing ranges, biographies etc and I think
Damn. I could do that...and even better.
 June being the month that I am throwing myself into the dating pool, I decided to set my sights on a footballer, and by that I mean soccer. There's no money in the GAA!
But where to find such a treasure?
It's strange the pot where you find a lobster.
So true.
I found my victim, I mean potential date number 2 while I was on my school tour.

I'm beginning to see a pattern here. My type is obviously tall, dark and HAIRY!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

I can't believe it's not Turkey!

To quote Van Morrison
My mama told me there'd be days like this.
It's amazing what a bit of sunshine can do to the mood of a nation. Our government must be praying for this mini heatwave to continue as we are all in a great mood.
"Recession? What recession? Of course you can bring in the Croke Park 2 agreement. I'll just be out at the beach."
Things to be thankful for today........
  •  Roxy managed to go topless for the first time this year (and possibly last year too)!

  • Kids were in top form in school, so no dramas.
  • I located my garden table and chairs in the dark, cobwebbed recess of my shed. After a scrub down they were ready for action. I'm not the world's best cook but by God my dinner tasted fabulous al fresco.

  • Then I got a call from my principal saying that after 15 years our school has been given the go ahead to start on our new building. No more teaching in substandard conditions. HAPPY DAYS!

I haven't felt this happy and content since Turkey at Easter.....and what's more there is no fear of any riots in Raharney!

"Only Fools and Horses" fan

After studying World War 2 in history I was giving the class 10 questions on the topic.
"Where was Pearl Harbour?" I asked.
Then, being a bit mean I amended
"The answer is NOT America. What state was it in?"
As quick as lightning I got the reply
"Oh Miss, it was in a terrible state!"

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Run, Fat Bitch, Run!

Bank Holiday Monday saw me attempting something I had never done before- a mini marathon.
Several weeks earlier my friend Martina had asked us to take part as a fundraiser for LARCC Cancer Centre in Mullingar, so how could one refuse? The fact that we could walk it was the selling point!
"10 k. That's not so bad", I thought. "I do a few kilometres every day at the moment. I'll just up it over the next month."
How time flies! The day was upon me and I had done even less walking than normal.
"I'll be fine."
Off we headed on the bus.
I must admit we are looking far fresher here than in any after photo.
Apart from my non-training, the other factor against me was the fact that it was a glorious sunny day in Dublin. Unheard of!
We took our places among the 40,000 other women (plus a few men in drag) and off we set.

The atmosphere was fantastic. There were bands playing all along the route. So just as I was beginning to wain, the sound of the next band kept me going.
Before I knew it I was crossing the finishing line!

 Okay, so it took me one hour and forty four minutes....while the winner did it in 34 minutes. But I bet she cheated and trained!
I proudly wore my medal. I haven't won one since I came first in the U14 slip jig!

Ah, there's nothing like a marathon for working up a thirst!
Next year I'm going to actually train.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

The Dating Game

People are constantly asking me
"Are you married?"
"So, have you ever been married?"
"I bet it's because you are too fussy."
Fussy? Me, fussy!" They wouldn't say that if they'd seen some of my ex-boyfriends!!!
I've decided that June is when that all changes. I'm going to "date" like the Americans. In Ireland, you meet someone in a bar, you hit it off , meet him again and suddenly you're in a relationship. In America, you go out on nights out with various men before you become "exclusive". So that's the way I'm going!
It started off well. I went to The Canal Festival in the Hill of Down. there I met Gus, here on a weekend from Birmingham. I overcame my shallowness and looked beyond his excessive body hair. I joined him for a drink. While he may not have been much of a conversationalist, he was very attentive.
I asked my sister Geraldine to take a photo of us.She is shite with a camera, as the following link will show!