Sunday, March 31, 2013

Mirror, mirror on the wall

I spent a fabulous Easter Sunday in the apartment of good friends in Mamutlar. I've only been away from home for a week, but the taste of a home made dinner of ham and mushy peas was to die for!!!
And as for dessert....
 As I was walking down the hall, I was deep in thought.
Gosh, I can feel my clothes getting tighter over the past week, I won't worry about it now,but see here. Once I get home it will be bootcamp again.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror at the end of the hall and I did a double take.....and a triple one!
"PAULA, CAROL", I shrieked. "Where did you get this mirror? I WANT ONE!"
You know those trick mirrors that you used to see in fairgrounds that made you look small and fat? Well this one was the opposite! It made you look taller and thinner!!
I mean, look at my legs. There is no way they look as long and lean in real life.
The women bought the mirror in a little shop around the corner.
Now, if I could get one shipped home before I get back next week, I wouldn't have to worry about all that exercise and healthy living malarkey!!!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

I blame the Iranians!

I try to learn one new skill every year. By the time I die I hope to have amassed a wide range of talents and hobbies.
One skill I learned at the tender age of 6 was Irish dancing. Now bear in mind, this was in the 1970's (just about!) and was pre-Riverdance. There was none of this shenanigans of moving your arms and looking all sexy! It was a case of painful ringlets embedded in your head and dancing like you've got a poker stuck up your a***!
Every now and again this skill is called into play. It usually takes place in a foreign land....and alcohol will probably have been consumed. The natives start it, by putting on a little floor show of one of their folk dances
In this case, the Turkish equivalent of "The Walls of Limerick"!
Once they hear our Irish brogue, they immediately clap their hands and shout "Riverdance"!
Suddenly the opening stains of the beating drums resound around the place, causing a surge of Irishness to pulse through your veins. And then before you know it, you're out on the floor, one-two-threeing like Flately.
This happened to me the other night. A group of onlooking Iranians obviously thought we were great craic because they invited us to a birthday party the following night. Always up for a new experience, we headed off.
Birthday parties are the same the world over. There's cake, a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday" and alcohol...again.
Oops and it was Good Friday! Blame the Iranians.
It was then I tried something new.
Anyone who has met me knows that I can't/won't/refuse to sing out loud. I have had a very successful career in Musicals  by miming by way through many's a show. I teach music in school with the use of tape-recorder;Cd's; DVD; interactive whiteboards....depending on the decade. So I know you will all be amazed when I tell you that this year's new hobby is.....

The fact that I didn't know either the air or the lyrics caused me to sing perfectly in tune.
Well that's how it sounded to me!

Thou shalt not commit adultery

I could take it no more. For almost a week I had been strong in my willpower and refused to give into temptation no matter how many opportunities were put in front of me. Every street I walked down I could seen them beckoning to me, to avail of their services.
Why was I saving myself just for HIM? He might never return.
In the evenings I looked out from my balcony to HIS apartment, where for the past few years he had worked his magic. I would walk in there most evenings, feeling hot and sweaty, and re-emerge thirty minutes later totally rejuvenated. Now, it stood empty and desolate. Once or twice my heart leaped in my bosom as I thought I espied a little flicker of light over there, but it may have been just wishful thinking.
Yesterday when I got up, I decided that "Enough is Enough.". I wasn't going to spend the rest of my time in Turkey pining over previous holiday encounters. Today was the day that I was going to forget about Ibrahim and cheat on him by going to.......
But who to go to, that was the problem. Your choice of hairdresser can make or break your enjoyment of a night out. I got a recommendation from a friend and off I set to find a replacement coiffure.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I got nearer my destination. I hoped he would be gentle with me and leave me satisfied. After all I would be paying him good money!
And this truly happened......
I was just about to turn down the street and past the point of no return when I espied something familiar in the distance. I stopped in my tracks and the figure slowly approached me. He too narrowed his eyes quizzically as he tried to determine who I was. Suddenly his eyes lit up in pure joy.
We fell into a tender embrace amid much kissing of cheeks.
Just like a scene out of "The Notebook"!
"Where have you been?" I admonished him. "I save my hair just for you....and look at my roots?"
His eyes opened wide with delight at the sight of my untended locks.
"I make new design in the salon. It is almost ready. When can you come?"
"Well when are you reopening? The sooner the better."
"Well for you, my best customer I will open this evening."
Bring it on.
And so, at five o'clock that evening I was happily ensconced in his chair, discussing what style I wanted. I may have been almost overcome by the fumes of the recently painted walls....but I didn't care. I was back in the capable hands of the man who knows exactly how to please me.

And to think that if it had been two minutes later I would  probably have lost him forever!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Jedward, eat your hearts out!

I thought that my recent hair style was a little OTT and would be ridiculed.
However, this is not the case. Quite the reverse in fact. It has started a worldwide trend.

It would appear that one was indeed very amused!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Hair raising

I have been in such a dilemma since I arrived in Turkey. My hairdresser from across the road is nowhere to be found. And I had deliberately left my highlights to be done when I got here. On holidays with dark roots....disaster!
Of course, here in Turkey, nothing is a problem. If you mention a concern, someone will immediately pipe up with a solution.
Ali G kindly told me about his friend who is a hairdresser.
"I will call to your apartment and bring you to him."
"But is he any good?"
"Of course. If you don't like, you don't pay."
"But that 's no good if my hair looks like shite for the rest of my holidays!"
So what do you think?Should I pay???

The real me...

I think that I'm basically a nice person! Now I know I'm no Mother Theresa but I don't think I have ever deliberately hurt another person in my life. If I have caused someone grief, it was because of a lack of sensitivity and empathy on my part and not a defined act of vindictiveness.
So it came as a bit of a surprise to me this morning to find myself engaging in a spot of schadenfreude.
schadenfreude (noun):  satisfaction or pleasure derived from the misfortune of others.
Hold on a minute, before you think I have been dragged into Mr Grey's Red Room of Pain....let me explain.
I was up bright and early this morning, enjoying a bit of breakfast on the balcony. The weather is lovely at the moment, not too hot or humid like in Summertime and you need a jacket at night time, but so what???

My reverie was interrupted by the ping of an incoming message on my phone. I opened a photo sent from home.
There was Roxy, looking downright the SNOW! It's Easter week for God's sake.
A little shiver of delight went down my spine at the thought that.....
At the moment I feel sorry for anyone who isn't me. There, I've admitted it.
 I'm a BITCH really!!!!
and it's not such a bad thing!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

What a difference 24 hours makes...

Time: 11.00am Friday 22nd March 2013
Location: Dublin, Ireland

Time: 11.00am Saturday 23rd March 2013
Location: Mahmutlar, Turkey
Mmm, I hear its snowing back home now...tee hee

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Ms. Smith* entered Ms. Jones'* classroom.
* names have been changed to spare someone's blushes!
Ms. Smith walked up behind her colleague who was standing at the whiteboard, with her back to the class.
"Excuse me, Teacher....."
She was interrupted by a piercing scream, as Ms. Jones jumped around in fright.
Of course the whole class collapsed in a fit of laughter at the sight of their teacher's panic-stricken face.

Later that day, Ms. Jones saw Ms. Smith disappearing into the computer room. Now I use the term very loosely as it is really a glorified cupboard with a computer, two chairs and a few shelves.
"Ah ha, payback time", smirked a revengeful Ms. Jones.
She waited a few moments and then quietly approached the door. She put her finger to her lips to shush a few giggling children who realised what she was up to.
Slowly she pulled down the handle, wrenched open the door and shouted
She froze when she saw the shocked look on Ms.Smith's face who was sitting facing the door, in front of........the INSPECTOR!!!
Ms. Jones slammed the door shut before he could turn around, praying that he would think it was an unruly child!
He never mentioned it....but poor Ms. Smith had to sit for the next few minutes listening to him complement her class on how well behaved they were, while all the time trying not to explode laughing at her colleague's MASSIVE faux pax.
Ah yes, discipline is not an issue in our school, well at least not with the pupils. As for the teachers, that might be a different story!

Friday, March 15, 2013

The Luck of the Irish

What shall I have for dinner? I asked myself on Friday afternoon.
Well, seeing as you would probably find more food in a fridge in Harvey Norman's than in mine, I decided to eat out. Hence the reason why I could be found sitting in The Streetside Cafe after school.
As I tucked into my chicken fillet, my ears picked up on the first sign of summer. No, it wasn't the call of a cuckoo but rather the dulcet tones of the first American tourists! Now, a couple of years ago I might have groaned inwardly at their over enthusiasm at being on the Emerald Isle. But in these recessionary times my little heart leaped at the thoughts of their dollars propping up our ailing economy.
As they were leaving, one of their party, who bore a striking resemblance to Jake Gyllenhall...
shit, maybe it was him!
...went up to the waitress and said
"My boss is always going on about how beautiful the Irish women are, so I'm wondering if I could get a photo taken with you to show him he is right."
Smooth or what?
The waitress looked at him in shock at first and then smiled coyly at him.
"But I'm not Irish. I'm Polish!"
The whole cafe burst into spontaneous applause amid cheers of
"Epic fail!"
"Crash and burn!"
The poor devil went puce and mumbled
"You mean you're NOT Irish?"
I wanted to point out that long, naturally blond hair, piercing blue eyes and a size 6 figure is NOT
the look of the Irish....unfortunately.
I was going to do my bit for the tourist industry and offer to stand in for the photo. But then I figured that my "pulled-through-a-bush-backwards" Friday look would have shattered his boss's romantic image of Ireland!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Keeping it in the family....

One of my colleagues was looking at Family Crests with her class. They were then to design a new one for their family based on their interests and hobbies.
This was a very thorough one. It details what every member of her family spends their time at.
The whole family likes to go to Lees restauraunt.
She loves One Direction
Her older brother follows Irish rugby.
Her younger brother is interested in machinery.
Her sister is into make-up.

And as for Mum and Dad!!!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

What a character!

In order to celebrate World Book Day we all dressed up as a character from our favourite book in class.
Guess who I was?
The children were put into groups of five and they had to "hot-seat" each other to develop their characters further.
Then we decided to go into the younger classroom next door and see if they could guess who each person was. In order to help them, each character was to say one sentence based on their book.
It was then that one of the boys came up to me in a bit of distress.
"Miss, I honestly didn't know. I can't go into the younger ones."
"Why? What's wrong with your costume?"
I looked at him and thought.....Harry Potter. That's ok.
"My mother got it ready for me. She said it was from her favourite book.......50 shades of Grey. The other lads have just told me!"
This is the note I sent home to her.

Dear Mrs. X,
Just to say all the teachers appreciated the effort you put into your son's costume for World Book Day. I am deciding whether or not to give you homework based on your book choice!!!
Ms. Noeleen :)
 Good on ya, Mum!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

It's his eyes I remember!

There I was, thumbing my way through this month's Xposé magazine...
a highly respectable magazine, I hasten to add, full of fashion and beauty tips, with some ground breaking news articles
...when I was stopped in my tracks by this photo.

"Mmm. He looks familiar. How could he possibly be a part of my past?
Then it came back to me. No, it wasn't a late night encounter in Cougar Town. Rather a chance meeting with Mr Ireland, Leo Delaney at a charity event in Maynooth.

One can but dream!