Thursday, November 29, 2012

Why don't we ever sing the full version of Jingle Bells?

It's that time of the year again.......rehearsals for the Christmas pageant. I was putting together the medley of Christmas carols to be performed at the end. In an effort to "pad it out" I googled the full version of Jingle Bells to add to our repertoire. This is what I came up with

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
We got into a drifted bank
And then we got upshot

Erm. I guess we'll stick to the one verse then, as usual!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Pick me! Pick me!

Today's vocabulary included the word "voluntary". I could see by one puzzled face that he didn't have a clue what it meant. So to help out, I asked
"Tell me_____. If I asked for a "volunteer", what would you do?"
He looked at me, thought for a moment and then replied.
"I'd stay sitting here Miss!"
Fair enough!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Photographic Memory

I was reminded of this story over the weekend.
It happened about 15 years ago. I was out of a Saturday night in a local nightclub/den of iniquity! It was back in the days of yore when men actually asked women out to dance.
Oh yes, my younger readers. There was a time when brave men ventured across a dance floor and asked the fairer sex to dance.
When I think of it now I realise how soul destroying it must have been to be rejected with the immortal words
"Ask me friend. I'm sweatin'"
I obviously had a conscience back then as well, as I never refused anyone a dance, unless they were VERY drunk.
This one particular night I espied a young fella swerving his way towards me, very clearly the worst for wear.
Ah God NO! Please don't ask me. Sometimes I wonder do I deserve the men I attract!!!
Unfortunately I was his intended victim.
"Will ya danse....?" he slurred into my face.
"Thanks very much, but I think I'll sit this one out?"
"Ah why not? It won't harm you to have one danccce." Belch
"Honestly, thanks, but no thanks."
I really had no desire to hold him up on the dance floor as he had lost most of his motor coordination by this stage.
"Give me a proper reason why ya won't dance and I'll leave ya alone," he promised.
"Well it's like this Michael...
I could never have forgotten those eyelashes, you could have hung buckets on them!
You go home and look at your First Holy Communion photo, and then look at your teacher in the background......
Realisation dawned on him
"Miss LYNAM???? Is that you?
"Yes it is Michael"
Now go away and I'll talk to you sometime when you're sober.
Moment of silence
"But will ya dance???"

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Decadence is......

Decadence is

spending Sunday morning snuggled up in bed , having a Twilight Saga catch up, before going to see Breaking Dawn Part 2 tonight.
Whoever said
Youth is wasted on the young
got it all wrong!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Art imitating life!

I do Drama classes with some younger children. We were sitting in our chairs watching an imaginary TV screen. As we "changed the channel" I called out
"Oh it's a comedy!"
"Now, it's a sad film."
"Oh no. It's a horror film."
and the kids reacted accordingly.
I called out
"It's a Love Story."
and there was the expected reactions. The girls smiled coyly at the screen while the boys pretended to gag! But one little chap was having an animated conversation with the telly, hands gesticulating in all directions. I wandered past him to hear what was going on.
"Whaddya like? She's cheating on ya! Get out fast!"
Ah bless. Romance, through the eyes of a 7 year old!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Life is your catwalk

Most mornings I fall out of bed and it's a mad rush to get ready. This morning, for some unfathomable reason I had loads of time. So I set off to school with a perfectly coordinated outfit topped off with my new black biker jacket. Hair was coiffured and I actually had make-up on.
I approached the school gate as if I was on the catwalk.
Every morning I am met by three Infants who wait to greet me. This morning as I approached I could see them looking me up and down.
This is good that I am taking my position of fashion role model seriously. Thankfully they have someone to aspire to.
The middle Infant turned to her colleagues, turned up her nose and said
"Hmm, I don't think much of that!"
and walked off.
Bubble and ego rapidly burst.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My Alma Mater revisited.

This weekend saw the 150th celebration of the arrival of the Sisters of Mercy nuns in Rochfortbridge. As this included my Secondary School, I headed over to join in the festivities! It's amazing how driving over the bog road brought all the memories flooding back.
I had a very happy time in school. No horror stories of abuse or bullying to report. But I still recall vividly the sinking feeling in my stomach as I reached Cole's Cross every Sunday evening. I would be dropped at the side door of the school and in I'd go. A very daunting experience for a 13 year old to be away from home for a week.
It has been exactly 30 years since I last walked through those doors. And the first thing that struck me was the familiar smell. Some things never change.
After the mass and book launch there was the obligatory tea and buns. Myself and a few more ex-boarders snuck off  up the back stairs to our old dormitories.
Times have moved on and it is no longer a boarding school. Who in their right minds would take on the responsibility of being in charge of 70 plus teenage girls nowadays?
St.Oliver's dormitory is now a classroom. My bed used to be to the right of that window.

Who's been sleeping in my bed? 
It was great hearing stories and memories from past pupils. But this one I'm not so fond of!
Some of the lads were telling me that the local boyos discovered that the boarders had their showers at 9.30 every night. If they stood at Bradley's corner they could see in the upstairs bathroom windows! So they used to congregate there every night.
Eugh! We never knew that or we would have been the smelliest boarders in Ireland.
Apologies for reposting the following blog but it tells my favourite story from my secondary school days.

Friday, November 9, 2012

A womb with a view

This story comes courtesy of a friend who teaches Senior Infants, those adorable little five year olds!
In Science they were exploring the topic of Living Things/Non-living things. To conclude the lesson they had to draw one living thing. As Infant drawings can be a bit hard to decipher sometimes, she was going around asking each child to explain their drawing.
"It's a flower, Miss."
"That's my dog."
"A snail."
Her jaw nearly hit the floor when she saw the following diagram.......

"Em, tell me. What is that?"
Two little innocent eyes peered up at her as if she was stupid and said
"Miss, it's a TREE. Look there's the trunk and there's fruit at the end of the branches."
I suppose that's why we use the term Fruit of my loins!

Saturday, November 3, 2012

It's showtime!

After many years lurking in the backstage shadows I have returned to centre stage. I am playing the part of Mortiana, the Sheriff of Rottingham's mother in Leixlip's Musical and Variety Group's panto Robin Hood. It is a completely new role for me
a wicked witch who terrorises young children, putting the heart crossways in them and causing them to wake up screaming with night terrors.
Oh wait a minute!
Anyway, I have started rehearsing already.........

........for my Oscar nomination that is already in the bag!