Last night Fiona, Clare and I headed out for dinner.
After the main course Fiona's phone beeped.
"That's Sinéad. She's going to join us for dessert."
"But isn't her baby due around now??? Should she be coming out?"
"She's bored stiff sitting around waiting for something to happen. She won't stay long."
Sinéad promptly arrived, looking radiant. After the first few opening queries about her health, she dropped the bombshell.
"Technically speaking, I'm in labour at the moment."
"Don't panic. I'm only having the odd contraction and I'm only 2cm dilated. The hospital told me it can take days yet."
I've seen enough episodes of Home and Away to know that's NOT how it happens. Someone's waters break and the next minute, after a short bout of screaming and writhing, the baby is born. Right?
We looked at her, opened mouthed for a moment. But she seemed perfectly calm, so we figured there was no point in us panicking! We did, however, contemplate telling the staff to get some towels and boiling water ready, just in case. After all, if the baby did decide to suddenly appear, we'd all need a cup of tea, wouldn't we?
Clare was very helpful and channelled the baby's energy through Reiki.
Personally speaking, I'd be more like...
Fuck that Reiki. GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL......NOW!