Saturday, April 28, 2012

Twins

.
Last night I was up in Genevieve's house for dinner and a few glasses of vino. Her seven year old son, BrĂ­ain was sitting playing with his Transformer characters. At one stage Gen and I were laughing over some incident from our past. He looked up at us quizzically and asked
"Are you two twins?"
We stopped in mid guffaw.
"Why do you say that?" asked Gen.
"Well, you both say the same things and you have the very same laugh."

They say that, over time, owners become like their pets! I presume the same thing happens with best friends.
http://www.nols-agirlforallseasons.com/2010/09/best-friendship-is.html

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

These shoes are made for walking

I have purchased a new pair of trainers in preparation for the new "fit"me.
These are miracle workers. They promise to promote weight loss, muscle tone and improved posture. So as I pound the highways and byways of Raharney, my butt will be lifted, toned and reduced. I fully expect to have Pippa Middleton's pert little bum, in a matter of weeks.

Unfortunately, it will probably be encased in my saggy arse!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I wanna be a billionaire so frickin' bad


Since Bruno Mars first burst on the music scene waxing lyrical about his desire for vast amounts of money, I'm sure that his bank balance is much healthier and he is well on his way to achieving his dream. But if he still is a bit short of spondulocks, may I suggest that he takes a visit to Vietnam?
Last week in Hoi An I had cause to use an ATM
ie I had run out of money.
How refreshing is it to look at the screen and realise that you can take out a maximum of 2,000,000! With a pounding heart  I pressed the button. Instead of guffaws of laughter and exclaims of
"Are you kiddin'? You haven't that much money in your account"
I was greeted with a whirring sound and the machine spurted out the requested amount. Never in my wildest dreams did I  think I would hold that amount in my sweaty little hands.

Granted they were Vietnamese dongs which are worth about 70 euro!
Who knows. At the rate the euro is going, they may end up being worth the same.

Monday, April 16, 2012

I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.

On account of the weekend that was in it, we were doing some work in class, on the Titanic.
Obviously not on the actual Titanic, but rather on the topic.
In Drama we were all aboard a sinking ship. As this was set in the modern day it was more like the Coasta Concordia. Here's the scene.
There was a nearby island which was accessible only by lifeboat.
It was surrounded by sharks for dramatic effect!
The problem was, there was only room for five passengers on it. In order to decide the lucky few they had to develop their own character and profession . Then they had one minute each to convince the captain ie ME, why they would be invaluable in setting up a new community on the island and hence be allowed on the lifeboat.
I figure that once they have argued to save their lives, within the safety  of drama of course, then they will be able to stand their ground in any situation life throws at them.
Things were going swimmingly, pardon the pun. We were really getting in to it. We ended up sitting on top of our desks as the water was beginning to seep into the classroom. A few messengers from other classrooms arrived in, but were greeted with shouts of
"Shut the door. You're letting the water in!"

One fella was particularly articulate about how invaluable he would be as a mechanic. He could make a tractor out of bits of the ship that would be washed up on shore and build a generator to produce electricity. I was very impressed and about to allow him on the lifeboat, when a heckler was heard from the back of the room.
"If you're so good, then how come this bloody ship is sinking?"

After the laughing had subsided I changed my mind, and told the heckler to get on board. There were squeals of
"Why him Miss?"
"He won't add anything to our new community!"
"This is today's most important lesson. We all need a sense of humour, even in the face of disaster."
The bell rang.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

It only seems like yesterday.

Today was Ger and Dave's 8th wedding anniversary. How time flies!
Last week Ger and I were shopping in Royal Selangor when we spotted two glass and pewter champagne flutes.
"I think they're lovely", commented Ger.
Ping! A little light bulb went off in my head.
I had been wracking my brains trying to get something as a present for their anniversary/"thank you for putting me up,or should that be, putting up with me" present. Sorted! But how was I going to buy them while Ger was there. I had no way to get back to the shop on my own later.
Ping again!
"Oh, em, I'm going to the afters of a wedding later on in the year and they would be perfect"
"Oh but they'll be too big to go in your case"
"No they're not. They're quite small".
Anyway, they're not going near my case.
"But they come in a big presentation box."
"I have a big case."
They're not going in my case.
"I've seen your case. I don't think there will be enough space with all the stuff  you bought."
"It has an extra zip that expands it out."
They're not going in my case.
"You need a soft case that is flexible."
"My case is flexible. They will fit."
THEY'RE NOT GOING NEAR MY FECKIN' CASE.
"They are lovely but it would be awful to buy them and not be able to bring them home."
"I'll risk it. Now where is the nice man to gift wrap them."
Get here quick before she wrestles them out of my grasp.
It's ironic but that is the only time in the entire two weeks that we had even a slight disagreement and it had to be over her present!
Yesterday it was time to come home. Sob.
I was all packed and ready to go. I came downstairs with my nicely gift wrapped parcel. When Ger saw it she recognised it immediately and her eyes it up.
"What's wrong? Will it not fit in your bag?"
Roughly translated.....I told you so!
"No, ya eejit. This is a thank you/anniversary present!"
She did have the grace to blush!

Happy Anniversary to you both. Have a glass of champagne on me.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Can we have a minute's silence for.....

On Sunday night, before we headed to Vietnam, we had a barbecue in the house. There were several rough boys there, who didn't know how to play "Throw the chicken" properly! This was the result....
Ripped chicken R.I.P.

The guests left around 1.30am and Ger decided to book a taxi as we were leaving for the airport at 6.00am. There was a stunned silence at the other end of the phone.
" Madam, you want to go to the airport this morning??? But the party has just finished in your house!"
Proof that little village syndrome even exists in a large city.
Brilliant time was had in Vietnam, the most beautiful place in the world.

On our return we were greeted with the fantastic news...Cullan's exploits have now been recognised worldwide and Hollywood beckons.
I don't like to boast but I think my blog MAY have had something to do with it!


Michael Fassbender Plans Cuchulainn
He's becoming an Irish myth

I can see the resemblance of course. Square jaw, sultry eyes and pure animal magnetism.
But what I want to know is....who is going to play the Chicken?

Saturday, April 7, 2012

It's no stroll in the park.

I have been to the touristy, somewhat sterile, forest parks but decided that I wanted to experience the real thing. So I accompanied Dave and Cullan on one of their walks in the genuine tropical forest.


It is adjacent to the city but within a few meters you are cocooned by Nature, and the manic sounds of the city are silenced. It is entering another world.



We came across some illegal rubber tapping. I wonder what they use it for...
Oh yeah, now I remember!
We followed a stream....all very Hunger Games.
Me, hacking my way through the jungle.
Suddenly we heard a loud cannon sound overhead.  Dave looked up worryingly and said
"Uh oh. It's about to rain. We better make our way back."
I'm Irish. I know what rain is. I can handle it.
A few drops made their way through the leaves. They were warm and refreshing, not like Irish ones. After a few moments they were getting stronger and more plentiful. We espied this motorbike parked plonk in the middle of the forest.  W contemplated stealing it for a quick get away, but figured the three of us would never fit on it.

The the heavens really opened and there was a downpour.It was as if someone was pouring buckets of water over us. Dave was quite apologetic, as if he was causing it. I tried to explain that it was all part of the experience and I was enjoying i.a
Granted  now that I've done it, wouldn't like it to happen EVERY day of my hols.
We made it home, soaked and bedraggled.
Guess I won't be winning any Miss Wet T-shirt competitions!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Dead Chicken Squawking.

Before I came over to KL I asked Ger if I should bring anything in particular. She said the aforementioned Tayto....and a toy for Cullan* their German shepherd.
*This is not a Twilight tribute. His real name is Cuchlainn, but Dave being British didn't go the whole mythological Irish Celtic hero thing, so it was shortened. He just gets his full title when he has done something bad.
That used to strike the fear of God in me when I was addressed by my full moniker by my mother. 
When I arrived at their house Cullan went through my cases like a sniffer dog on Anything to Declare......and located the rubber chicken. He immediately imprinted* on me.
*This is a Twilight reference.


"It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like... gravity moves.... suddenly. It's not the earth holding you here anymore, she does.... You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend."
―Jacob Black explaining to Bella Swan about imprinting.[src]
Imprinting is the involuntary mechanism by which Quileuteshape-shifters find their soul-mates.

And so he now follows me everywhere, with a rubber chicken in his mouth He presumes that, seeing as I was the person who bought the damn chicken I should be the one to throw it. And so the game begins. He stands in front of me with the chicken in his mouth. I go to grab it, but he moves a few centimeters. This lasts a few minutes. Eventually I manage to grab it and we have a game of tug-of-war for a while. I get fed up and ignore him. He pus it in my lap. I throw it, he runs after it .....and the the whole process starts again. This can go on for AGES. I try to stop....but how could you ignore this pleading face for long.

Sometimes the chicken ends up in the pool. But of course I can't cope with Cullan whining pitifully at it, so I end up having to stand up and walk over to fish it out.
But enough is enough. This morning at stupid o'clock I was awoken by a loud panting noise at my ear.
Oh I hope that's not Dave. This could get awkward!!!
But it was Cullan standing over me expectantly, with the feckin chicken in his mouth!

All I'll say is
The chicken's days are numbered!
He won't be rescued today!

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

If it's good enough for Cinderella.....

We were engaging in the cultural art of shoe shopping, when I was stopped in my tracks by the enticing sign
Up to 100% discount
How do I get that???
My bargain seeking little eyes lit up with excitement..but they nearly fell out of my head in disbelief when I heard how!
The shop assistant explained, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
You buy the shoes AND THEY SET YOU UP ON A DATE WITH A MAN!

If you get on well, he pays for the shoes and you get your money back. If not, well at least you have a nice pair of shoes.
Imagine the embarrassment if you went back for your refund and they broke it to you that you actually had to pay more!
By the way, these are my new fierce babes.......

The sights you see when you are on holiday.

Ger and I headed  off  on a roadtrip to Melacca. It is an amazing town with a mixture of Malay, Dutch and Portuguese influences. I  won't bore you with  the usual holiday shots.
I met the most amazing group of men...

My bodyguard, to stave off Japanese papparazzi
 It was all a conspiracy, we found Gadaffi
 The first Boyband!
 Smile
Maybe you should go easy on the steroids.

And then there were the signs...



Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Quaint Irish traditions

Due to the fact that I didn't sleep a wink on the flight over...
Drowsy cough medicine, me arse!....
I was a little later getting up on my first morning.
And by later I mean 9 o'clock. God, things start early here.
Emilee, the maid, said to Ger
"Your friend has arrived?"
"Yes. She is still asleep."
"She is from Ireland?
"Yes."
"Ah, I guessed so."
"Why?"
"Tayto!"
Did I mention there's a bar in the house?


Ah yes! How many packets of Tayto crisps have winged their way across the world as a greeting gift to a nostalgic Irish ex-pat or emigrant? No other race fully appreciates the mood enhancing properties of a good crisp....or crisp sandwich, for that matter. And no one else can make crisps like we can.
In fact, if Crispmaking was a sport in the Olympics, us Irish would win gold!
And without the need for performance enhancing drugs!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Kuala Lumpur's main tourist attraction.....ME!

Today Ger and I set off to do the cultured touristy things.
First stop - the National History Museum. The moment we got out of the car, I espied an ancient Malaysian artifact. Of course I had to have my photo taken with it. The fact that there was a wall and a flower bed around it was totally irrelevant. Over I popped.
Snap was taken.
Before  knew it there was a Japanese man standing beside me.

CHEESE.
Another appeared.

And another. Suddenly there was a scramble to take photos before I disappeared.
It would appear that blue-eyed busty blondes are a rarity in Japan. I guess that's my next holiday destination sorted

Sunday, April 1, 2012

This is the kip I have to stay in for the next two weeks!

After Planes, Trains and Automobiles I have arrived in Kuala Lumpur.
03.10 Sat: Car journey to Kinnegad courtesy of my sister
03.30: Citylink bus journey to Dublin airport
04.35 Arrive at airport
07.00 Flight to Paris
12.00 Flight to Kuala Lumpur
06.30 Sun: arrive in KL
07.30: KLIA Express train to the city centre
07.58: Arrive at central station. picked up by Ger in jeep.
08.08: Arrive at destination.
And this is where I HAVE to stay. For feck sake.....

Yes that is only one house.
Mmm, not quite fifty metres.


I'm staying in the West wing
 In this tiny bedroom....
 But at least Percy has settled in....
How am I going to cope!!!!