Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It's official. I'm a bitch!

Confirmation season is upon me again.  The unprecedented hot and sunny weather has meant that I cannot "borrow" the fabulous red coat from my mother that I was planning to wear.. Instead I bought a Kate Middletonesque navy lace dress....
accompanied by Gok Wan magic underwear....the kind that pulls you in, lifts you up and prevents you from breathing.  But boy do you look a size smaller, so a small sacrifice to make!

Today I was heading into a shop when I was stopped in my tracks. A long leggy babe, with tumbling curls of auburn hair entered the shop in front of me.
AND SHE WAS WEARING MY DRESS.
Well, technically it wasn't MY dress seeing as it was only a size 8.
And by that I mean a European size 8 as opposed to the much larger American size 8.
My stomach was tied in knots of jealousy. Her pert little derriere sashayed in front of me up to the counter.  I then had the further humiliation of having to stand behind her in the queue.
That's it.  There is NO WAY that I can wear that dress now.I feel totally old, fat and frumpy.
Suddenly a weird high pitched noise filled the air.
What on earth....
I listened again.  There it was again.  I suddenly realised what it was.
"The babe", though beautiful, had the most dreadful, annoying, nasally voice I had ever heard.
Think Janice, in "Friends".
Suddenly a warm, fuzzy feeling seeped through my bones.
Da'know wha'? 
I may not be skinny, but at least I don't have a voice that can be heard by dogs in the next county.
I know that makes me the world's shallowest bitch but I don't care.
At least I have a dress that I can comfortably wear to the Confirmation tomorrow!

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