Wednesday, March 28, 2012

It's official. I'm a bitch!

Confirmation season is upon me again.  The unprecedented hot and sunny weather has meant that I cannot "borrow" the fabulous red coat from my mother that I was planning to wear.. Instead I bought a Kate Middletonesque navy lace dress....
accompanied by Gok Wan magic underwear....the kind that pulls you in, lifts you up and prevents you from breathing.  But boy do you look a size smaller, so a small sacrifice to make!

Today I was heading into a shop when I was stopped in my tracks. A long leggy babe, with tumbling curls of auburn hair entered the shop in front of me.
Well, technically it wasn't MY dress seeing as it was only a size 8.
And by that I mean a European size 8 as opposed to the much larger American size 8.
My stomach was tied in knots of jealousy. Her pert little derriere sashayed in front of me up to the counter.  I then had the further humiliation of having to stand behind her in the queue.
That's it.  There is NO WAY that I can wear that dress now.I feel totally old, fat and frumpy.
Suddenly a weird high pitched noise filled the air.
What on earth....
I listened again.  There it was again.  I suddenly realised what it was.
"The babe", though beautiful, had the most dreadful, annoying, nasally voice I had ever heard.
Think Janice, in "Friends".
Suddenly a warm, fuzzy feeling seeped through my bones.
Da'know wha'? 
I may not be skinny, but at least I don't have a voice that can be heard by dogs in the next county.
I know that makes me the world's shallowest bitch but I don't care.
At least I have a dress that I can comfortably wear to the Confirmation tomorrow!