Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Betrayed for 30 pieces of silver

"What is with those kids today? They're traipsing in and out of my classroom like it's Heuston Station."
I was on yard duty and couldn't help but notice the constant stream of traffic. Then it struck cynical, embittered ole me!
"Of course, it's Valentine's Day! No wonder it's a hive of activity."
I wandered nonchalantly into my room and caught the class heart throb standing at his desk. In his hands were two blood red cards.
"I see you're popular today," I commented.
"Yeah, but I've no idea who they're from."
"Here let me help. I can recognise everyone's handwriting!"
This comes from months of having to work out whose test paper it is, despite telling them umpteen times to make sure their name was on it. Payback time!
The first one was homemade. As I looked at its slanted writing, mixed use of upper AND lower case letters, I thought
Jeeze, have I taught these kids nothing about card and poster making? Back to the drawing board next Art lesson!
Handwriting was well disguised though. No joy.
The second card was shop bought.
I read the verse out in my best Shakesperian accent. I can't remember it all, but the ending went something like....

Your hair is shiny,
Your eyes are yum
But best of all
you've got the.....
open card
Sexiest bum!

He never batted an eyelid, just grinned a lopsided Bieberesque smile and said
"Well, if you've got it, you've got it"
and wandered off out the door.
I espied two of my girls in a hoop laughing at the door.
"Girls???" I enquired.
"Oh it wasn't us Miss."
"But we know who it was."
"Oh tell me!"
"No Miss. We can't."
"Ah go on. I won't say anything."
NO WAY! Our lips are sealed."
"Go on, go on, go on!"
"Never. They're our friends and we'd never tell on them."
"I'll give you a homework pass!"
"Oh, it was Anne and Orla*"
* names have been changed to protect their identities!!!
It only took a nanosecond for them to change their minds and betray their BFF. They were soon racing out of the classroom clutching their homework passes as if they were the golden tickets to Willie Wonka's chocolate factory!
News travels fast in Schoolyard land. I had no sooner rounded the corner when I was accosted by one of my boys.
"Miss, why did they get homework passes?"
"Because they snitched on their friends."
His eyes lit up.
"Oh, if I get more info for you, will I get one?"
"Of course."
As he tore off on his mission, I called after him
"Make sure it's good and juicy. Homework passes are harder to win than the Nobel Peace Prize!"
By hometime I knew it all, who had sent a card to whom, who wished they had gotten a card from whom, and who was jealous of who!
I didn't say a word. This info is filed away in the back of my mind. Hey, I have five months left with my prepubescent hormonal charges.
Forewarned is forearmed!

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