Saturday, November 5, 2011

One of those nights


I was heading into town to meet the girlies for dinner. With the hour after going back for winter time, it was a dark and dismal night. I had just left my house and was almost in Raharney when suddenly......
Jeez. Where did they come out of?
Out of nowhere there were five young lads walking along the road IN DARK CLOTHES. I didn't see them until I was right beside them. Thank God they were on the other side of the road or I would have mowed them out of it.
I was very shaken at what could have happened. It made me even more careful......which was very fortunate. As I was approaching Killucan I thought I spied something in the distance. I slowed down and as I rounded a corner, there on my side of the road was another young fella on a bike WITHOUT A STITCH OF A LIGHT.
FFS! Has everyone got a death wish tonight?
I seriously considered turning around and retreating to the safety of my house but I powdered on.
I indicated to turn left off the motorway to take the sliproad into Mullingar. I could hear a motorbike behind me.
 I looked in my right wing mirror, no sign of anything.
I looked into my rear view mirror, nothing.
I was about to veer off left, when I suddenly realised that the gobshite was overtaking me ON THE INSIDE!
I'm practically a mass murderer at this stage.
I got into town without any further near-misses.
I'm off alcohol for November. I know most people do that for religious reasons and offer it up for All Souls, but I'm afraid I'm not that noble. I'm doing it as I want to lose weight before Christmas!!! So, a jug of water with dinner, three diet cokes and two still waters later I was weeing for Ireland!
At around 2am I was coming back home into Raharney. At the end of the village there is a fork in the road at the local pub. I live off to the right, so I indicated to get ready to turn. Then I saw flashing lights up ahead and realised that there was a garda checkpoint just up the road to the left.
Shit. Now where do I stop? I'm not going left. I'll just pull up here in front of the pub.
I did just that, and out of nowhere there was a guard at my window.
I rolled it down and she stuck her head in, obviously to smell for alcohol.
"Where are you coming from?"
"Mullingar."
"Have you been drinking?"
"NO".
"Are you 100% sure? You seem to be trying to avoid the checkpoint."
Damn. that was the wrong decision I made.
"Oh God no. I live up that road there. I stopped here because I wasn't going up as far as your check point."
I could see that she was still sceptical.
"Could you step out of the car?"
Oops. I'm in trouble now.
"Of course."
Out I got. No wobbles....even if I was bursting for the loo!
"Do you mind blowing into the breathalyser?"
"No problem."
"Can I see your licence?"
"Here it is", as I leaned into the car and took it from the sun visor.
By this stage she could see that I was actually telling the truth.
"Ok. Off you go."
Ah what? No breathalyser? I'm a bit disappointed.
Obviously I didn't say that out loud. I was about to get back into Roxy when a voice boomed out.
"YOU MUST STOP FOR A GARDA CHECKPOINT."
Wha? Where is that comin' from?
A second guard had appeared on the scene. I was about to lauch into the reason again.
"I realise that it must have looked suspicious but I  live up this road and........."
"STOP WHEN A GUARD WAVES YOU DOWN."
Getting a bit irrate I said
"But I did stop."
Guard #1 intervened , gave me a rye smile and said
"It's okay here. Off you go."
And I did!
What I want to know is,
Where were the guards when I was almost mowing down camoflagued road users?

2 comments:

  1. Your decision to have "three diet cokes" was not one of your better ideas because :-
    Diet Coke and Diet Sodas wreak havoc on your body. Not only do you miss out on nutrients from real sugars that might be beneficial, but you also load your body with toxic ingredients that work against you. Diet Coke triggers an insulin spike which blocks your ability to burn fat, and it has an acidic pH value (Diet Soda pH 2.5) which can cause an imbalance and lead to serious health issues.
    Professor Helen Hazuda, of the University of Texas’s health science centre, said diet sodas and artificial sweeteners may foster a sweet tooth, distort appetite and even damage key brain cells. As a result, treating them as healthy alternatives may be ‘ill advised’
     
    The professor, who no longer drinks diet colas and lemonades, said: ‘They may be free of calories but not of consequences.’
     
    Professor Hazuda tracked the health and habits of 474 adults for an average of nine and a half years.
     
    She then compared the growth in waistline of those who consumed diet drinks with the others, including some who only buy regular fizzy drinks.
     
    Overall, those who favoured diet drinks saw their waists expand 70 per cent faster.

    And finally Aspartame sugar substitutes cause worrying symptoms from memory loss to brain tumours. But despite US FDA approval as a ‘safe’ additive, aspartame is one of the most dangerous substances ever to be foisted upon an unsuspecting public.
    Aspartame is an intense sweetener, approximately 200 times sweeter than sugar. It has been used throughout the world in soft drinks and other low-cal or sugar free foods since 1974. It was first approved for use in the UK in 1982. It is known by the name NutraSweet, aspartame or E951.
    Despite being widely used 75% of the adverse reactions to food additives that were reported to the US Food and Drugs Administration have been concerning aspartame. These reactions have included: headaches/migraines, dizziness, seizures, nausea, muscle spasm, weight gain, rashes, depression, fatigue, irritability, tachycardia, vision problems, breathing difficulties, anxiety attacks, vertigo, tinitus, memory loss and joint pain.
    It is also believed that certain chronic illnesses can be triggered or worsened by ingesting aspartame. For example brain tumours, multiple sclerosis, epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s, birth defects, diabetes and ME.

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