Friday, August 26, 2011

Dawn of the geriatrics!

This is a new departure for me. I am handing over my blog to a guest blogger, namely my niece Emma, who is currently in Mahmutlar with her two friends Katie and Dawn. I will let her tell her story in her own words!

Dawn, Katie and Emma

Dawn had an unlucky day yesterday.
First off, the playful kittens who like to tug at towels and sarongs around the pool took a fancy to Dawn's hair, taking her quite by surprise as she lay sunbathing.
Next, as poor Dawn swam lazily around the pool trying to escape the feline attention, she caught the eye of two wrinkly and greasy Russian men. They were not shy in their pursuit and despite Dawn’s efforts to ignore them
with no help from me or Katie, who were far too busy laughing at the 70 year olds’ speedos
 Dawn called it a day and retired to the apartment to get ready for a quiet night out as we had decided we would give the drink a miss and go shopping....
Two fishbowls of cocktails later...
As we sat in Foleys, pretty tipsy and glad we have no willpower, we noticed four young boys of about 13 or 14 run down the steps and frantically set a table complete with origami tablecloths and strewn with rose petals, before they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared.
Now I am not accusing Foleys of having a sweatshop underneath the bar but we have not seen these boys before or since!
We sat stunned as a massive jeep pulled up and a big fat man emerged to more kisses and handshakes than even Noeleen has received in Mahmutlar! He sat down at the special table, ironically ordered a bottle of Kilbeggan whiskey and lit up a cigar as waiters fawned around him.
Then his eyes met Dawns. He exclaimed that she was the most beautiful girl in Mahmutlar and that she was to be his 10th wife. Our table was showered with gifts and we became experts at secretly getting other people to drink the glasses of whiskey that he insisted on sending over. When a little Turkish girl asked Dawn if she would buy a bracelet, the rich man from Gold City waved a 50lira note and bought the little girl's entire stock. Her little eyes lit up as she took the money and when the rich man saw Dawn’s approval, the little girl was asked to stay for coke and chips.
We were invited to stay in one of his 12 villas in Gold City with free and private use of his many spas and gyms. A beautiful woman arrived to his table, who we thought was an escort, but turned out was trying to sell him a new Mercedes.
Now this attention may all seem quite enjoyable, but for Dawn this was the third man over 60 who had tried to chat her up that day. She was not sure how to handle the pressure of his affections and turned to Kilbeggan whiskey to help with her nerves. Unfortunately, this gave her the courage to go over to his table to say thank you and three hours later she had not been able to make her escape.
Then arrived three Irish boys (from where else but Athlone) who recognised our man as a commander of the Lebanese army where they had been serving with the Irish army. Our rich man proceeded to tell Dawn that he has possibly ordered the murder of some Irish soldiers
She took a swig of whiskey
and that he always carried a loaded gun
Another swing of whiskey.
When the time came to pay his 500lira bill, the rich man went to his jeep where he kept his safe. Katie and I hoped that he would pay for the copious amounts of fishbowls we drank while we watched the drama unfold! However as he left the table Dawn saw her exit strategy and legged it back to the apartment.
He told Katie and I that he knew where we lived and that he would like to take Dawn to Gold City that night. We gulped
“Ok. We will send Dawn down in five minutes” and legged it too.
He was still waiting as we raced up the street.

You may have heard about people getting "the fear" after a night drinking. With so much whiskey in her system today poor Dawn was scared to leave the apartment in case he was waiting in his jeep with a sniper rifle!
So Dawn slept it off in the apartment today while Katie and I lay by the pool and as all best friends do, laughed at her misfortune.
However our mocking was cut short when suddenly a shadow was cast upon us as the greasy Russian man from the day before stood over us and said
"Ver is your sister? I like to see her today. Vil she come vit me?"
We decided it’s best not to tell her.

I love it. It could only happen in Mahmutlar!