Saturday, July 16, 2011

The truth is stranger than fiction

We got talking the other night about drink-driving laws and how if you were even in the vicinity of a barman's fart you would be afraid to chance driving home in case you were over the limit!
I was only ever stopped once by the guards at night time. It wasn't very late. I was on the way home from rehearsing for Leixlip's panto, so it was about eleven. In order to get home, I turned off the main road and head down twisty byroads to reach the outskirts of Raharney.
So I was very surprised to turn a corner and encounter a garda checkpoint as
1) It was a Tuesday night. Not exactly a busy night out.
2) It wasn't closing time so drink drivers (if there were any) wouldn't be out yet.
3) It was the middle of nowhere. It wasn't on a route home from any pub as there were none in the vicinity.
Anyway I stopped and put down the window. A garda strolled over to the car.
"Goodnight Ma'am."
Damn.I'm not a "Miss" anymore. I'm a Ma'am!"
"Goodnight Garda!"
"And what are you doing on the road at this time of night?" he enquired as he bent down to the open window to see if he could catch the hint of alcohol.
I, like George Washington, firmly believe that it is wrong to lie to people in authority, so I answered truthfully
"I'm Snow White's stepmother and I'm on my way home."
He was taken aback for a split second. Then he straightened up and announced
"Bejayus, I better let you go or you might poison me with an apple!" and he waved me on.
See. Always tell the truth. It confuses people!

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