Sunday, May 29, 2011

What makes a healthy school lunch?

I met up with childhood friends over the weekend. I love this story as it proves that I am not the only one in the group to make a complete fool of myself on occasion!
Lorna's friend was headng off on holiday for a week with her husband and kids. They were coming home late on Wednesday evening. As the kids were going into school on Thursday morning, her friend asked Lorna if she would get in some stuff for their school lunches. As the school has a very strict "healthy eating" policy, her friend gave Lorna a list of suitable foods to buy.
On Wednesday evening Lorna popped into her local Super Valu on the way home from work.
Fruit and Veg section
Grapes.....check
Bananas.....here they are
Apple.......must be for Teacher!
Opened the fridge
Milk.....ok
Yogurt.....I could never eat that stuff!
Cheesy dippers......Mmm, are they really healthy? Full of E additives. Not my problem!

Finally, onto the sandwich spreads. That's when Lorna hit a problem. She had located all the items on the list in record time, except for the last one.
"KY jelly? Never heard of that. Must be some new type of organic spread for bread".
Lorna searched high and low along the shelves but couldn't find it.
I wonder why???
After several fruitless minutes, she called over one of the girls for help. She was a Polish girl with good but not great English.
"Can you help me please? My friend asked me to get KY jelly for her kids school lunches, but I can't find it here."
The girl looked a little puzzled.
"Zis KY Jelly? I have never 'eard of it. I vill help you."
Sorry I don't speak Polish! Don't know why she had a French accent!!!
So the two of them began searching among the Marmite. No success.
The manager and his assistant passed by.
"Excuse me. My friend asked me to get KY Jelly for her kids' school lunches. Will I get it here or in the desserts section?"
Lorna couldn't understand why they stared at her open-mouthed, before making weird faces, as if they were biting their inside lip.
"Sorry Madam. I'll send over someone who can help."
All Lorna could see were the back of their heels as they legged it around the corner, when she could have sworn she heard what sounded like muffled howls of laughter.
"How strange," she thought. "That's not very professional of them."
A few moments later a female assistant appeared.
Quite exasperated at this stage, Lorna launched into her plea for the third time.
"Look, I'm just trying to get this KY Jelly stuff for my friend. Her kids need it for their lunch. The teachers insist on it."
 The woman replied
"Maybe Madame, you should text your friend just to check that really is what she wants!"
Lorna looked at her watch.
"Well they are just at the airport in Spain at the moment. I'm sure she has more things to worry about than school lunches. Talk about fussy kids. In my day you ate what you got, and were dam glad to get it!"
She texted anyway.
Hi there. Can't find any KY Jelly for their lunches. Will ordinary strawberry or raspberry do instead?
"I don't think she'll even bother replying. It can't be that important."
No sooner had she said that than the phone began to ring.
"She's ringing from Spain??? She totally ruins those kids."
"Hi there. How was the holiday?"
"LORNA! What on earth are you on about? What are you looking for???
"KY Jelly. It's on the list......"
"WHY ON EARTH WOULD I ASK FOR KY JELLY.........."
Lorna could then hear guffaws of laughter down the phone. In fact they were so loud, they may have made it all the way from Spain all by themselves.
It was her friend's husband. He had seen the list for Lorna on the kitchen counter and had written KY Jelly on the bottom of it "for the craic".
Pardon the pun!
 He thought Lorna would just get a bit of a shock when she saw it and be too embarrassed to buy it. Not in his wildest dreams did he think she would actually go and look for it........in the desserts aisle!
Lorna is now reduced to going to a neighbouring village to do her shopping. She can't face the sniggers, nudges and whispers of "That's her, the KY Jelly woman" every time she enters the shop!

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