Thursday, March 31, 2011
See what I did there! I can't help teaching, even in the middle of a blog!
Anyway we were coming up with all the phrases that would tell us that we were in the present tense.
gach Domhnach ,
"Basically, if you see "gach ANYTHING" use the aimsir láithreach."
One bright spark piped up "Does that include Gok Wan???"
Ah, Gok, my fashioniasta hero! I met him two years ago. He was doing a book signing in my nephew's bookshop in Dundrum. Several female members of the family decided to go up to see him.
Gok, that is, not Damien! Sorry.
Outfits were planned with the military precision of the invasion of Dunkirk. Nothing was left to chance. In fact, if it was my wedding day I don't think I'd make as much of an effort for my husband-to-be! When we arrived at the shop queues of women were meandering around the bookshelves and out the front door. It was like Disneyland.
"Why are all these women coming to see him? He's gay!" exclaimed Damien.
"Exactly. That's why," I explained. " When he compliments you, you believe it because he knows what he's talking about....and he's not trying to hit on you!"
We slowly snaked our way towards his table. Bless him, there was steam coming out of his biro, he was scribbling that hard! The larger than expected numbers meant that he was under pressure to catch his flight back to Britain. I approached with my/his book in my sweaty little hand. He took it, wrote furiously in it, and looked up to hand it to me. He then uttered the immortal words...
"Oh, I LOVE your style." My heart sored in my bosom. I took a quick glance over my shoulder to check that he wasn't actually talking to the woman behind me. No, he was smiling at me.
"Really," I squealed,.
"Darhling, I think you look A-MA-ZING!" My time was up so I was quickly ushered on by the staff. I didn't walk out of the shop......I FLOATED! I will bring that complement to my grave with me and I will die happy. In fact, whenever my hair has frizzled, zits have burst out on my nose or someone has brought me down with a derogatory comment, I repeat my mantra.
Gok said I look amazing, Gok said I look amazing, Gok said I look amazing........................................and suddenly all is well in my world.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Now I certainly don't live in an urban area......but I have rarely seen a badger/hedgehog/fox in my six years here. That changed this morning.
I looked out my kitchen window to see a fox walking as brazen as you like, towards my house.
Word has obviously not spread around the animal kingdom that they are wasting their time coming anywhere near my house in search of food. There is none inside it, never mind outside.
Old Mother Hubbard seems positively excessive compared to me!
Because I have been gallivanting around the country with "Tom and Viv", I haven't been near a shop in order to buy vittles! I would love to plonk the meagre contents of my cupboards on the table of "Ready Steady Cook" and exclaim
"Make something out of that...I dare ya!"
Foxy sniffed around for a while, realised that he was wasting his time and wandered off in search of more lucrative pickings.
Sure she's cute, but she's not a hen!
Monday, March 21, 2011
That's my favourite part of "Come dine with me".
Mary loved her knick-knacks. Every wall was covered with photographs, all documenting important family events like graduations, weddings and christenings. Window sills were strewn with ornaments which told of far-flung holidays....if you count Ballybunion! Glass cabinets were bulging with china dinner sets and tea services.
I am sooooo not a clutter person. I have a grand total of four framed photos in my house and a minimum of nonfunctional items. It's not an interior design decision. Its just the less clutter, the less dust!
I needed a little lie down before the evening's performance so I headed to my room. I was taken aback by the sight of the shelves groaning under the weight of Teddy Bears.
They're cute. I'm just glad they're not dolls. All those eyes staring at me would freak me out.
The next morning we headed into the breakfast room. And there they were, peering down from the top of the dresser.........
I was so unnerved I could hardly eat my Full Irish.
I said "hardly". If the vacant glare of dolls did take away my appetite, I would have them all over my kitchen. Who needs Weight Watchers?
When I eventually returned home, I looked at my house with fresh eyes. If I ever considered taking in paying guests, what would they think? I scraped that idea pronto, as it would involve a major tidy-up.
How can my house get untidy when I am rarely in it?
As I looked around I got a surprise. I hadn't realised that I have amassed a collection of dolls over the years, but they are way scarier than Mary's!
Mine are all either headless........
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I met up with some friends that I haven't seen since Christmas.
I won't reveal their names in order to protect their identities!!
As the wine flowed over dinner, talk came around to our relationships.....or lack of, whatever the case may be! One of the girls revealed that she isn't happy with her boyfriend. He isn't making any effort and she feels she is coming second to his dog in the battle for his affection!
"So are you looking for someone else?" I asked, buoyed-up with wine-induced courage.
"I don't want to finish things just yet. Maybe he will change"
NO HE WON'T! Oops, did I say that out loud!
"But I might give a quick glance around and see what is out there!"
And so our weekend was christened
The One-Eye-Out weekend.
A LOT of fun, take it from me!
So I haven't revealed any names just in case aforementioned boyfriend is reading this. But then again, any of my friends' boyfriends/husbands who happen to read this are saying
"Am I about to get dumped? Quick Rover, get off my lap. I have to ring my girlfriend."
Lads, get your act together. Make more of an effort. As they say in all the best Lottery ads
It could be you!!!
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
It was a much less stressful event than the first time I crossed the border in the early 1990s. A group of us from Leixlip Musical and Variety Group were going to the A.I.M.S awards in Newcastle.
A.I.M.S awards are like the Oscars...only much more glamorous!
Two car loads of us went. The lads were in the first car and us girlies followed. We were very apprehensive as we approached the border as we had never entered the North before. We had only ever seen the news reports of bombings and shootings, and despite the fact that it was on the same wee island as ourselves, it seemed like a foreign country to us.
The lads went through the border patrol first and had no problems. Our turn.
We pulled up to the checkpoint and stopped. Beads of sweat were beginning to break out on our brows.
Having baby-faced soldiers pointing rifles in the direction of your car tends to do that.
The window was rolled down and the RUC officer leaned over and looked in.
He looked at us four ashed-faced women and said
"We have had a report that this car has been acting very suspiciously."
My heart stopped and I could feel my blood draining out the soles of my feet. Stories of the Birmingham Six and the Guildford Four went racing through my brain.
Who on earth had reported us? The sound of our lads beeping their car horn as they took off, gave a clue.
One minute earlier.
The lads had pulled up to the checkpoint.
"Hello there. Where are you going?"
"To the A.I.M.S. awards."
"Fine. Off you go."
"Thanks. Eh...we would just like to say that the car behind has been following us all the way from Dublin. We're no trouble.......but I'd check them out, if I were you!"
The RUC officer looked at our car, spotted four blond women, grinned and replied
"Sure thing. Thanks for the tip-off."
Back to us.
We sat gaping at him. What the hell do we say to prevent us from becoming political prisoners -of -war?
When we saw his mouth twitching we realised
Holy f***! He's actually joking with us. I didn't think they'd have a sense of humour.
We burst out laughing (hysterically, I might add). With a tentative wave we continued on our way.
When we caught up with the lads at the hotel we gave them a well-deserved slap around the ears!
Now, many many years....and a peace-agreement later there was no checkpoint, machineguns or heart attack moments as we crossed the border.
In face the only indication that we had left the Republic was the beeping of a mobile phone with the message
"While you are abroad..........."
So borders are no longer patrolled by armed soldiers, but rather by mobile phone service providers.
And isn't the world a better place?