This afternoon brought my routine check-up with my hygienist and my dentist. Is there a more unappealing job than looking into people's cavities? Well I suppose a gynaecologist comes a close second!
First up was the hygienist. She is an absolute pet....but I still dread her because of the poking and scraping. I was lying back in the chair looking up at the plasma screen on the ceiling,which was obviously there to relax and calm me down.
Relax, me arse!
There was a programme on about the state of the Irish economy, and about how the government is pouring billions of the tax-payers' euro down a black hole and that it will take us about 600 years to claw our way out of it! It would have been less painful if she had stabbed me in the eye with her plaque scraper!
And then down the corridor to my dentist...
Have I mentioned that my dentist has to be the most gorgeous man I have ever seen? He is the only dentist in Ireland that never has to say
"Can you open your mouth please?"
as every woman's jaw hits her knees when she sees him!
I think he actually had to tell me to close my mouth a little bit, on one particular visit!!!
The examination started. I don't know why dentists haven't perfected the art of asking ,what us teachers know as "closed questions." That is, basically any question that can be answered with a "Yes" grunt or a "No"grunt. Anything that requires a longer answer is a waste of time when you have a mouth full of dental paraphernalia! If you try to answer in a sentence you end up sounding like a cat swimming through a bowl of porridge.
One of the pieces of apparatus that was in my mouth was a little vacuum for sucking up saliva. But in my case, it is strictly for the drool spilling from my mouth as I look up McDreamy's nostrils!
I tried to focus on his conversation which was about his holiday in his villa in Portugal with his (probably impossibly beautiful) family.
I suddenly thought
Hold on a minute. The one thing I regret is not looking after my teeth properly when I was younger. As a result I have spent the equivalent of the annual budget of a small African nation on rectifying them in the past few years. I bet I've paid for that villa.
Surely that qualifies me for at least a time share in it.....with or without the company of the dentist!!!